failed

I failed. I lead mean flat still, but I do not write to no more on which I everything eat exactly and when. I have it tried, honestly… however a side effect of the tablets is now probable that I are so nervous that I continuously which too futtern need. I do not have thereby an uncanny grind however I can thereby stop. the tablets became simply too expensive now. I cannot any longer more of it take because I it me carry out cannot. what am I to do?
naturally do not stop… however it goes for the moment simply. I notice simply that I a peak work at which I simply an absolute collapse has.
through my antidepressives am I believe in such a way I at least well, but I am non stop to to work and push me stop so quite up. but evenly eat… that is like that besch*
my second face does not get along simply with the real I. that is so a put on mask all this can and makes and always with the work is and outward simply totally okay works. and the other side turns internally simply through…
well, so far to the today's report.

alarm

jo, I lead my diary still. quite successfully, so seen. but more to drink I would have probably because I wake up in the morning and completely drained and even if I then equal which drink lasts was entitled nearly to noon… however I remember on also simply too little and drink so seen nearly nothing.

with us flood is alarm. makes itself quite… well, it looks wild. today by 4 bypasses somehow nevertheless still to the work came, but part my colleagues had no chance also only in sew the company to come.
the river is in the city generally speaking brook bed… which normally into 6 meters as rivlet goes by, is now as rapid river directly under z. Part over the bridges on the way. an insanity is real. I like my brother home does not come white at all. the train service is now surely still 2 meets lamely put, and it sits in Innsbruck.

cold is it also and laborious. but it is anyway everything laborious and fatiguing. everything does not create one directly and I knows also. dearest wär for me a bed and a warm cover and no bell and no clock in sew. sleep. do not rise marvelously… and laaaange any longer. murmeltier one would have to be. the whole summer and autumn only eat overslept and the whole winter. and in spring again beautifully slim wake up.
now I must stop from to sleep to write because otherwise the stop I it genuinly never out.

tataaa

I it geschaaaafft. I have my booklet (esstagebuch) again begun to actually lead and my list and at all everything. hangs thereby perhaps together that I my diary of the last summer from the hiding place recently gekramt and everything again read. I cannot say now that it developed me particularly, because I had a something - öh - turbulent summer (at least partly). but I imagined, one somehow must begin somewhere. I hope I stop it this times longer through than only one week.
for the moment am I however only in a good mood because…. well, why probably? because my weight sank again. owing to drastic measures. but it feels so well. my mood is fantastisch. I look forward to the work and at all on everything. are a small little tired, but to it I am already used. I do not believe I white never like it is at all to be been so tired: O)
now, whether now this entry is positive or negative, can one believe I to see different. I seh it 90/10 to favour of the positive side.
I have with a well-known telephones meant, I rely possibly too much on it that in the autumn (if I again into a hospital go) everything automatically regulates itself. but is not correct. I white that I made last year some errors and I know also like the hare run. I already precautions took. I become no night in my new dwelling stay overnight so long the tablets still in the use are. no, I do not want that. and that should be for me a stimulus. a part reason failed why I was also because of it that I means plans in the last autumn not convert could not and then sometime did not give + some other events up it necessarily to have made easier. but as already times said, rausreden and away-pushed one knows the causes always.
esstagebuch lead… that want I as I originally began this blog to write. and now it is again times so far. I do not lead it on-line - to which also: O) however nevertheless. can over progressed report.

too few?

I do not believe I are simply too stupid and understand it. I relying me on something, which cannot occur if I not thereby begins. I would like to be able to be fallen into somewhat it do not give in such a way. I believe I can my decisions also marvelously postpone. everything on one time in the future put, then it falls me more easily my play to pull through and I must not on others concentrate. It is to be talked a mad possibility me from everything raus. I am completely in me lost and everything am so correct in my opinion. the further the time of the decision is protracted so much the better. but do not work so correctly do I believe I. no, I am really in me lost and am concentrated only on me. so correctly of me up-eaten.

up to now I, it thought everything would be so far correct. hey, everything is bad? no, I do not take it believe I already also seriously however it would be lied if I would say the weight play roll. the less so much the better because I won then. then it is not easy to say the weight became rolls plays. I lie thus me three times and four times more. naturally white I already that it rolls one plays however always then if I it halfway created then can do I it also again class abstreiten.

how am I of it ever loose-come if I the actual problem still away from me push? my dwelling should not take and of break a stimulus for me its my tablets to no more to come loosely. then everything becomes differently. then become I that make, then I leave on the etc. however am correct myself also really??
well well, I relying me also a little on the autumn. there everything will be already regulated in such a way. but which if I actually continue to push all outside and it changes for also nothing afterwards? then probably the case is still deeper. I custom which, to which I can adhere. what happens thereafter? so further to make I cannot eternally. I really believed I are on a good away, but in addition must come more from me. only ask yourself I also, what I can give. I believe I are so seized that I not even something from that to give can which I to sacrifice in such a way or in such a way would have thereby it become better can. I gekrallt myself into everything inside. how can I release? how can I release everything that??

snails have it practically. they carry a house with itself around into it back to pull itself can. I believe I carry exactly the same something around. as soon as it becomes difficult, I can do from bolt myself pull, withdraw me into my house and talk myself on somewhat outside in the future lie. everything beautiful-talk, no work of art. at least for me not. optimist? no, nincompoops.
but it is actually the larger lies than on which I otherwise outside talks itself. finally can also the schneckenhaus zertreten to become, and then is useful that withdraw also nothing.

already practically such a thing.

Lucky Macher

Okay,… time passed and I has again times new plans. On the one hand, I will try my weight few to reduce. Since I just as little control the gentle method as a bulldozer or an elephant in the porcelain shop, I make it like always. All or nothing. At least the first attempt.

A majority of my bad mood probably weighs therefore that I simply only with my result on the balance is dissatisfied. Tja, completely surely even. I have only eaten lately. I plug everything into me in and am only bad. I tröste myself at present again times with the meal.

I do not have the balance now no more because dad it wanted before we into the Wellness weekend drove and now it has it naturally in the room. Eh clearly. But I want to again have it. I custom it… and her belongs finally to me. I hate that, if one assumes that so naturally in our house that each all along-use can. I take off eh soon. SOON.

Property my antidepressives set off had (partially also from cost reasons, there my insurance for the moment no cent pays). Tja and for 5 days nehm I it again. One while lasts to the levels again above is, but the first effect already feel I. CLEARLY. First of all I am so nervous that I no moment sit quietly can (that was already with first time with the tablets falls in such a way, perhaps it me only now more strongly on). That is indeed a DISASTER. Who in my proximity is does not bear it not. They flee all. But have I the feeling never as much to work as now… or say we to help never as much as now. I become now also again the medicines change. Thus at least a part of it.

Which me is also noticeable (however that was already when setting off like that)… that I - if I the antidepressives do not take - is substantially more sensitive also for weather reversal and general things. Come me so rather abgepanzert forwards. Is nevertheless really amusing, or?

I white not whether I it further to take is or not. I become it however believe I nevertheless do because the thing is finally also those that I - if I am better gelaunt - eat also less as if I permanently in a bad mood am. It is amazing, how quickly this things work. Perhaps does one have to suspend occasionally thereby it again better functioned?

Tuesday I came home and from half 7 o'clock slept in the evening. Continuous. But I am for Monday always at 7 o'clock in the office. I hear the bell and it fall me more easily to rise. The actual for my conditions - a miracle. Sleeps is still a little a problem. To one day awake to 2 o'clock in the early, at the other one for it around 7 already half dead.

Perhaps change the dosage?
Oh which oscillates itself. It has with the latter times also. Before I set the tablets off, since have I also noticed that it did not go WITH the quantity any longer well.

Thus, I beend then times again.