struck down

weight: 66.1 kg (in the morning)

ate I enormous amounts yesterday. I do not know also, an overdose tablets I also got and first time that I remember can, have I the possibility ausgeschalgen to vienna to drive. that is completely atypical for me.
but on the other side I feel not well. only within my curtain (mosquito protective net of ikea) eingemummt in my summer-covers and if it must be which to read.
I am so shy become that I shopping even reluctantly go. I had me today aufraffen in great haste still into a pharmacy to drive before the weekend come. I believe without the tablets in the house, make I no more day. dearest I would lie down and more would never rise. it is so empty.
however I could cry. that is really first time. were only few water as a well-known called and with me talked, but I was to be said briefly before it it: I am so alone. I am so lonely.
nobody can see it because one in a so full world with so many possibilities lives nevertheless. but everything which I wants is again home to come. home, where I can be and home where I knows I am safe. that is not this house, not even this Land of the Federal Republic. there is not the people those is here.

I feel bad and only which me to it help that I feel better is my searches. it is simply reassuring. I can sleep at night calmly and it give me a certain regularity.

actually I wanted to write as I here improve thereby document I here straight again times a substantial descended. it is Saturday noon and I now sleeping will go. the door to my room is course-closed thereby nobody on the idea to come can with me to talk want.

I hate it. everything around me to be strong but at most me because I am too weak.