alone

Do you see me?
No, you cannot do that. Nobody can see me. Nobody. Nobody white which and who I am real, because nobody creates it which I to crack. I have it hidden behind Tarn-Ich. Behind a covering those that is, which all believe to know. But in reality it is a deceit picture. I know that, but nobody otherwise. That has something calming down. It does not come me anything too near and I protects itself above all.Sometimes I wish would nevertheless see myself it me someone thereby I the stones get loosely or her no longer so with difficulty to weigh. Perhaps Tarn-Ich is better sometimes to live than the normal I.But one naturally thus cannot know that. I would have to approximate… carefully the camouflage covering air. That should be able to be furnished. The problem is not only, I can anybody in-lets to something, which I do not know.
I cannot see myself also, can say not even surely whether behind Tarn-Ich at all some more stand. No completely clearly, there stands somewhat, but it is empty. It is right at the bottom and I it never really filled. My real I is an emptiness, which mourning all this up-swallowed, my grief hangs… my true „I “over the Kloschüssel and the soul from the body kotzt itself over to show that it is still there and it is crushed. Crushed of the society-suited covering which one can do heart-own. Those immaculately is understandable and for everyone.
I believe I am both part of the covering and part underlying something.
But the covering is rather strong. Sometimes if I consider which me everything during the day happened place I firmly the fact that I so blunted then abgebrüht is that the things really do not affect me any longer. I find somewhat sad, or badly or I am not not well with the thought however it express myself. I have no more feelings thereby - not really. I cannot remember in the last 2 years once to have cried from a feeling which I had. Simply not there that is. In me are an enormous dammed up lake with mixed feelings and the dam keep felsenfest. Which happened if it breaks, I do not know. So long it does not hold can I work and… well, the remainder makes I eh. I do not leave, I come no longer to it into the cinema to go. I do actually eh nothing more except work, eat and sleep and me to present only if it is urgently necessary.
Which in me is so empty, that is neutrally. Neutrally opposite everything. Therefore it is not filled out an anything, not understandably for me.
No day is what it is real. If I write here, then I am camouflaged. Naturally everything has always two sides, but the one is overful, the other one is empty. Can be??
And if, where I find me? Where am I real if not in me?You cannot find anywhere a at home, if you did not find it in you.

Road of full idiots…

Today again times such one day at that is the roads is populated from louder… COMPLETE IDIOT. No other word meets it probably as that. Naturally move I always greyful on if it flash themselves and do not stop or if it - bend less in largest morning traffic with step speed or into a road. Then they know in the country like “intelligent traffic lights” after traffic arrange themselves such a thing and on green and/or after a certain time stop on red go automatically. With 2 such slow curve Abbiegern and a small back pressure where anything does not continue because it with its bending radius a truck impress could, switch the traffic light stop to red… eh clear. Ungrateful people has green and stops, then they want it also so…
Naturally I had to remain standing due to its equal with the next business. My good resolutions were: I buy fruit. Well, an apple… still went into order however then is to me nevertheless the Pluderteigteil with the fruit above drauf (nevertheless is there also still which thereby) and the leckere chocolate, the yogurt… oh more however. 14 euro are draufgegangen. Why do I have to only constantly eat? Stress is not death… thereby has I, I Mach it me still.
My Therapeutin meant, I was to learn stress and load bear without immediately auszuflippen… because I strictly speaking the situations quite well master.
Evenly my boss came to me. Two world-shaking messages, times apart from the fact that we lost 2 team leaders, now a boss goes in the next higher level and my boss has a Hüftoperation for which I weeks in the calendar to clear away is. The problem is only the fact that I mean second stationary stay on the autumn take into account and since also its OI is. You will think you: Which cares one which in October is now. That may already be, but it is fundamental so that we until Decembers completely is written off. And I mean COMPLETE. That is not merry any longer. All day dates, preparation planning next year… everything which in the books shows itself. And the bad is, I must it for me keep.
My first sentence always is: A concern, we everything… however secretly already sträuben itself my neck hair does not regulate and the showers runs me over the backs if I to the autumn thinks.